When I married my dear husband almost ten years ago, I didn't feel like there were too many big surprises...nor did he.  Love and marriage didn't seem difficult.  But really sometimes it is.

Sometimes it is really hard to be a loving wife.
It is hard because I am selfish.  Add to that tired and whatever other circumstantial issue I face (three grumpy children??), and my husband has a cranky woman on his hands who wants to be understood.

I do not need to be right in a disagreement (even when I *know* I am), but it does not help the problem when I feel that he must understand my perspective (because that is just more of being right) and I just keep defending and explaining my side of the issue.

Please don't misunderstand.  In a disagreement I will share what I think and feel, respectfully-I hope.  But it really is futile to keep going at it when we do not agree on some minor point.

Hours ago we were in a disagreement over something absolutely not important (a spatula!),  I was shocked when I was able to say what I needed to say and then I literally closed my lips (rather tightly) so that the disagreement could end there.  And it did.  More than that, I am content with the end results.  We didn't come to an agreement about the ridiculous situation, but it was not a matter of importance.  And there is peace in our home and marriage.  And peace is more important than being right and understood.

What if it is a matter of importance?
My husband is the head of our house.  He leads our family and values my input, but for us, the bottom line is that the final decision is his.  You may disagree with this, but as a woman who values what the Bible says, I try to not lead so that he may; only one can lead.

This is not always easy especially regarding a matter of great importance.  When it is not easy, what can I do?  Obey?  Yes, and ideally without fuss or nagging.  (Yes, me!)   How am I to show that I respect and honor him-and his leadership-if I do not let his decision be the final say?

Not all "issues" come to a quick and easy resolution.

Discussion
If we aren't to let the sun go down on our anger, then something needs to change.  When I consider when to continue with a difficult discussion or to let it go, I know taking a break during the heat of the moment is wise.  Whether or not to bring the situation up again takes time.  If after an hour or more I don't feel the need to discuss it, then I do not.  Talking about the matter when I rage with emotion is not productive.  It will automatically put my husband (or the other person) on defense.  We may need to revisit the matter in kindness...maybe even a day or two later.
Prayer
Some situations, even important situations, will take months or years to find a resolution.  During times such as these, I must be careful how I pray.  Things will work themselves out as God desires them.  I do not want to pray only to see my desires met...because, really, that may not be the will of God, even if they are sensible and good desires.

I am learning as I go, but for now...
I pray for contentment.  I pray for patience.  I pray that our God would be glorified and my husband loved.

If you are looking for books to help you as a woman or wife, I highly recommend the following books in addition to the Bible.  They are linked to my reviews.
The Beautiful Wife, by Sandy Ralya
The Fruitful Wife, by Hayley DiMarco (linked to Amazon, an affiliate link, since I am not quite finished yet)
Choosing Gratitude, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss for any woman, not just wives
God's Priorities for Today's Woman, by Lisa Hughes

What do you do when you disagree with another?

~ Annette {This Simple Mom}